Adaptability & Actualisation

“It is not the strongest species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the ones most responsive to change“, Darwin had said, in a more long-winded form. I have been in awe of evolution as a concept for a while now, and have rather prided myself on being adaptive, specially in my work context. In terms of hard skills, I still believe that’s the way to go. However, when dealing with people, both in personal and professional settings, I have realised that it is possible to go overboard on being adaptive.

A meta prequel before I get to that. On hindsight, I am seeing an evolution in my thinking on this subject. Back in April of last year, I figured out that I am happier when I don’t judge myself.  Later, in October, I realised that there is a correlation, and probably even a causation, between my happiness and the way I treat others. I decided to fix my happiness as my compass. But when I read this post from a couple of months ago, it seems as though I had wandered off the track I had decided on. 

In that last post, I had described my humour as a defense mechanism, and something my ego had picked up for defending its self perception. But I realise that humour in this context is only a means. The end (protecting a self image) was actually the issue. In fact, in a larger context, humour plays a much bigger role in my life. It’s a part of me that I like, and one that makes me happy. Writing, tees, humour in a conversation, wordplay, PJs, anything.

And that’s where it connects back to adaptability. The lessons – how much I adapt and for whom/what. I have to be more careful about the cost-benefit and not just blindly adapt just because I can. The tension between prakriti (nature, mine here) and sanskriti (culture, accepted behaviour/ expectations from those around me) can only be so much. In the above context, I only have a binary control of my humour – I cannot control the timing or the audience. So either it is switched on or it’s turned off. And when I turn it off, it takes a toll on me! I am just unhappy, and it shows! If I have to play it down and change myself, the intent better be worth it.

As for whom, I realised that I automatically expect reciprocation when I adapt. That, on hindsight, is dumb. The people I deal with will have their own frameworks, and will react according to those, not mine. If I try to second guess those, it is just going to land me in a mess. Situations (the ‘what’) might have many variables beyond mine or even others’ control. Expecting something to happen or someone to change just because I adapted just leads to angst, which in turn makes it all counterproductive. All of this reminded me of a superb post by Mark Manson titled “The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F***“. I adapt because I give a f***. My filter therefore needs to be what I give a f*** about. And that needs to be a very small set of people and things. I think I might have a handy framework I’d like to try  for deciding what goes into that set – Taleb’s Fragile/ Robust /Antifragile triad. Let’s see how that plays out!

But for now, to quote the master, 😉