Category: Self

  • Default in our stars

    The thought first occurred to me a couple of years ago, when I realised that thanks to outsourcing and automation, we would struggle today to do many things that were once life skills. We also lost a little more than that – learning.

    Sometimes directly, and sometimes, through the interactions with the world, they facilitated a learning experience that taught one how to navigate the world and the different kinds of folks that made up its systems. 

    Regression Planning

    It was continued with a bit more specificity in a subsequent post.

    Instagram, Facebook, Tinder, Spotify, Netflix, Amazon – everything is a feed of recommendations, whether it be social interactions, music, content or shopping! Once upon a time, these were conscious choices we made. These choices, new discoveries, their outcomes, the feedback loop, and the memories we store of them, all worked towards developing intuition. 

    Intelligence, intuition and instincts. The journeys in the first two are what have gotten the third hardwired into our biology and chemistry. When we cut off the pipeline to the first two, what happens to the third, and where does it leave our species?

    AI: Artificial Instincts
    (more…)

  • The Presentation of Selfie in Everyday Life

    I will get to that “weird” title in a bit, but two things triggered this post. The first is the number of people urging, well, other people, to watch “The Social Dilemma”. Quite amazing. Especially considering how much of this advice is on WhatsApp groups. All I’ll say is, well done Facebook. Not to mention the irony of watching it on Netflix, which as I tweeted, is quite a paragon of virtue when it comes to behavioural manipulation. The second is the connection to the “Occult of Personality” – something I posted a few weeks ago. While the second order consequences on an algorithmically driven landscape was worrying, I realised that celebrities and “leaders” getting professionals to manage their social media presence was only a second order consequence of how they behaved as people on social platforms.  I also realised that this was in essence an early stage of algorithms dictating humans. Because who’s really in control when you’re always “appearing” as opposed to being?

    That provides a good context to the title, which is a bit of a wordplay on an excellent book that was written many decades ago – The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life. The author Erving Goffman uses the metaphor of a theatrical performance to explore the nuances and interplay that occur in practically every interaction we have. A deep analysis of “All the world’s a stage” and the “performances”  we give everyday to guide others’ impression of us. “Shelf worth’ on Zoom calls is a recent example. Goffman uses “backstage” as a space where we can be true to ourselves, and not be putting on an act. These days, thanks to the ubiquity of the mobile phone and social media, “backstage” is shrinking. And thus the title.

    Because we’re busy scrolling, and judging others and ourselves, and putting on a show. Leading to never-ending validation cycles that include feelings of inadequacy and envy. Once upon a time, there was happiness about something we did/experienced. As I wrote in Peak Abstraction, maybe, as we continue posturing, we will reach a stage when our signalling of happiness and its effect on others will become our measure of our own happiness. Or maybe it has already happened. Thanks to the highlight reels as presented on Facebook/Instagram/WhatsApp, things have escalated far beyond Keeping up with the Joneses. After all, with social media, everyone is a neighbour/friend, and as Gore Vidal famously said, “Every time a friend succeeds, I die a little.”

    Evolution has hardwired envy in us. In the early stages of human evolution, because we were competing for resources and mates, it was an important tool that ensured we adapted, survived, and passed the gene to the next generation. Has it changed a lot, if we look at dating, jobs, promotion etc? Probably not. But it depends on whether we consider these as necessary for survival, and whether we think of them as zero-sum “games”. Journeys inward are tough, but ultimately satisfying. Asking the self about happiness is one such. Understanding it, and being able to influence yourself would be quite an amazing feat in the age of influencers! Looking evolution in the eye, and overturning its effect is also a good way to show respect.

    (in context, a wonderful short film I discovered on, wait for it, social media!) 😉

  • Comfort Zoned

    I think it was in a Taleb book that I read that writing was born because of accounting. In my case, as I have chronicled here earlier (2010, 2017), my account books pretty much tell the story of our life. Towards the end of the second post, I wrote “the days of our lives have found a rhythm, a familiarity….Wild zigzags giving way to smooth curves and then straight lines.” This is because our routines, and therefore, expenses were predictable. The last few months have obviously meant a few changes, but the ballpark is the same. This stability has also meant that the usage of xls/sheets have increased at the expense of the book. I suspect this change is permanent, and it does make me sad.

    What it has also made me think about is the subject of the “comfort zone”. My work domain is marketing, and there’s no way I am getting into any comfort zone there. But for all practical purposes,  in my personal life, my perception is that I have hit a comfort zone. Many of my posts in the Flawsophy section have been about my own approach on living one’s life – happiness, success, signalling, the idea of freedom in daily life – and learnings and changes. I think it’ll show that I have a fair idea of our needs and wants, what it takes to get there, and a plan. It has helped that we have avoided lifestyle creep quite a bit, and kids completely, and disproportionate spends are on things we actually enjoy. Self image on that last bit was a challenge until recently, but I think that’s over now. None of these are things that happened overnight, and obviously a work in progress but we’re comfortable with where we are, and where we want to be. (more…)

  • Incognito, ergo sum

    More than a year ago, in a post titled A plan to be, I wrote about how at different stages of life, one has the need to stand out, and the need to belong. Both driven by various combinations of happiness, self-image, and of course, the gene that just wants to get to the next generation. Though I didn’t really express it in the post, the “plan to be” had belonging as a large part of it. Exactly a year ago, I wrote The half of it, in which I took the thread further. I found “relevance” being rooted in “belonging”, and wondered whether we settle for that. At the cost of meaning. (more…)

  • Success measures

    Kaamyaab is a wonderful movie – the subject, the performances, the sensitive portrayals, not to mention the nostalgia of seeing familiar old faces. Sanjay Mishra, playing Sudheer, a side-actor who decides to come out of retirement after realising that he is only one short of acting in 500 films, does a fantastic job of bringing to life the minds and lives of struggling actors. But, to me, good movies make you think beyond the scope of their narrative, and this one was no different.

    Before Sudheer began his mission of a 500th movie appearance, his life has settled into routines, and I found it difficult to fathom whether he regretted his career choice. For instance, he describes himself and others like him as “aloo” actors who can be added to any film. But he is also chuffed when he is recognised by people. And then there’s the alcohol. Is this how Babulal Chandola (Sudheer is a screen name) imagined his twilight years?

    We’re surrounded by success stories, not just from the movie business, but other walks of life too. Success, as we commonly define it, takes hard work, and luck. It requires the tenacity and perseverance to break through what Randy Pausch calls the “brick walls”. Bahut hi bekaar shahar hai,” Isha Talwar says in the movie, “Rejection ki aadat dalwa deta hai.”

    Kaamyaab draws attention to the not-so-successful, and brought up the question to me, again. What really is success, kaamyaabi? Being true to yourself, becoming exactly what you set out to become, but having to deal with the consequences of your trade-offs? Or being malleable with your trade-offs such that many a time your own desires are secondary, but being melancholic about the roads not taken?

    In the larger canvas of history, individual successes are blips, even the very best of them. But that’s philosophical, and it’s inevitable that as your film roll nears its end, you will analyse your role. Something that came up in an earlier post – The half of it. One which took me to whether to float with the tide, or to swim for a goal (Hunter S. Thompson).  My take for the future was to float with the tide and seek small goals while at it.

    I now realise that the questions of “why” and “what” still need an answer. One framing I have used in this context is FML – fame, love, money. Not by design, but the irony of the more traditional definition is unmistakable. Meanwhile, at a certain stage, after one’s biggest adversary is self image and not others, the love for something is the obvious answer (at least to me). Despite that, the motivation is not easy. I could really relate to a tweet by Orange Book, “You are not talentless, you just fell in love with comfort.” There are also the “false securities” that SRK eloquently framed in his tweet. Not completely past it. Related to that is the notion that one has done enough (for even the self image) to take a breather. All challenges to overcome!

    It almost seems like the opposite of life is not always death, it could be a lifestyle too! But then again, that depends on how  one measure success – happiness or contentment? At one point, they seem to be opposites too!