Category: Flawsophy

  • No help for it

    No, not the help. A different kind of noun.

    Reflecting on a few recent events, I realised that we are capable of providing different kinds of help.

    There’s the help that we think we can give. It’s the story we tell ourselves so as not to make ourselves seem unkind or miserly with respect to our self image. It’s convenient, and we don’t really lose much on this, except..

    There’s the help we want to give. A part of our mind knows we should probably be doing more. We tell ourselves a story to make up for the deficit – “but that other thing we want for ourselves is something we really need“. Besides… (more…)

  • DOODALL (Dhoni, OODA Loop & Life)

    I don’t watch cricket anymore, but did catch the video of Dhoni’s very colourful exchange with Manish Pandey in the 2nd T20 vs South Africa earlier this year. Interesting as it was, what really caught my attention was how Dhoni calmly hit a six in the very next ball! Think about it – you’re annoyed about something but able to quickly not just get over it, but do a spectacular job in the next few seconds! This not a one off incident, because this is essentially how the man earned the “Captain Cool” moniker.

    I related it to this fantastic long read at Farnam Street about how fighter pilots technique quick and accurate decisions. It’s called the OODA loop and the letters stand for Observe, Orient, Decide, Act. Daniel Kahneman’s Thinking, Fast & Slow is one of the most insightful books I have read, but I wished there would be an application guide on how to practice it in daily life. I think the OODA loop is the best practitioner’s guide I have seen. (more…)

  • The intrigues of my empathy

    Simran was on TV, and though I didn’t watch the entire movie, I was intrigued enough to read up about Sandeep Kaur – the Bombshell Bandit, whose life it is vaguely based on. A tragic story of a 24 year old, who will most likely be unable to live what one might call a normal life. Did she make wrong choices? Of course, but in her shoes, things might not be as simple as that.

    D said recently that my sense of empathy confuses her. Apparently, from what she has noticed, it is high when the interactions are transactional in nature – Uber drivers, hotel/restaurant/security staff and such. However, it is completely missing in action in places where she expects it, say close relatives.

    I have to admit, it used to confuse me too! But when I thought about it, there is a pattern to it, though a rather strange one. It follows a U shape – high for people I don’t know, as well as those whom I am really comfortable with, and low for people in between. The bottom of the U is occupied by those who have broken my trust in some way. (more…)

  • Naturally good

    Towards the end of The Way of Zen, Alan Watts has a line that creates a binary between natural and good. I must admit that I felt some validation there!

    Over many years and experiences, the resident (and dominant) cynic in me has come to believe that “naturally good” in terms of a person’s character and behaviour can only be an act. This is also coming from the unoriginal observation that we have a “delusion of free will”. The choices we make are less based on a conscious free will, and controlled more by a combination of genes which have fought and survived over millennia and one’s own experiences and environment. While cooperation and goodness are indeed a part of the survival toolkit, they are not the dominant aspects. We’re selfish, the only difference is in the degree of the act, and how much we have trained ourselves.  (more…)

  • “Let them know you’re thinking about them”

    You’re familiar with that – it’s one of Facebook’s birthday reminders. Until some time back, I used to religiously wish folks on their birthday. But I have stopped that, it felt like cheating. To me, this sort of wishing reduced the significance of the event and the wish, and almost brought it to the level of an already degraded currency on the network – the ubiquitous ‘Like’. I know, this can be argued quite a bit. At a very simplistic level, wishing someone on the birthday could be like a little shot of dopamine for them, and easy for you to provide too.

    But I have at least two perspectives against this. Call it over-analysis if you will. The first is where I draw a parallel with travel. In the case of places, increased access and convenience tend to bring in people with motives different from an earlier set. From travelers to tourists. Right or wrong is subjective so let’s just say that the character of the places, and their residents change. Arguably, the first set of folks had a deeper bond with the place and more of an interest in its well being. And so too, with the wishes on Facebook. My birthday is off Facebook and I know that those who wish me now really have me in their thoughts.  (more…)