The Coming of Age

Simone de Beauvoir

Sometime back, during a college reunion, D’s friend mentioned how she was shocked when she realised that she (and therefore us) were ‘those people’ who were being referred to as ‘middle aged’. A couple of years ago, I had written a blog post on entering the second half of my life, which I was hoping would not be a “mountain’s downhill, but instead, a series of small hills, gracefully undulating until the end.” So yes, I have been thinking of old age, and this book, though written back in 1970, is a great exploration of what it means to be old. 

Simone de Beauvoir does this very methodically, going from an outside in perspective – biological, ethnographic, and societal (historic and current) to an inside out – one how does it feel to be the person physically, mentally, emotionally and as a member of a family and society. She is quite right in presuming that in general, we don’t treat our elders well, and we don’t really want to talk about it either. Old age exposes the failure of our entire civilisation. As she points out, what is ironical is that this is also our future, as is told in many stories, books and movies. 

Going by ethnographic studies, communities trying to subsist from day to day treat the elderly as an extra mouth to feed, but if they attach some spiritual importance to its forebears, then the elderly are an embodiment of that connection. Historically, among privileged classes, the treatment of the elderly was connected to property ownership and laws around it. Greeks and Spartans honoured old age. The medieval world was quite obsessed with victory over old age. Shakespeare’s King Lear is a great commentary on the elderly’s self perception, biases and the overall implications. Victorian England saw the patriarch as the upholder of austerity. 

It was only after 1850 that geriatrics (the subject to begin with, not the name) came into existence and institutions for the aged started springing up. This is also related to the fact that it was only in the late eighteenth century that life expectancy first touched 60 for 10% of the population (France). Additionally, in the society of yore made up of peasants and craftsmen, livelihood and life coincided, and as abilities decreased with age, work was adapted and he was taken care of by the family. But as work changed, and people moved away from their land, and old people became ‘unproductive’, the dependence on the young became a challenge. The interesting (and sad) aspect, shown through studies, is that the idleness forced upon the aged is not something that necessarily happens in the course of nature but that it is the consequence of a deliberate social choice. 

It was in the mid 1900s that gerontology was developed on three planes – biological, psychological and social. The first laws on old age date back to the 1930s and our usual ‘suspects’ – Denmark, Sweden and Norway lead here too. But at that time, in many European countries, assistance was such that “it is too much to die on and not enough to live on”. 

The book spends the second half contemplating and showing through examples, the reasons behind the behaviour of elderly folk. The loss of standing, the fear of illnesses and injury, jealousy, and the resulting seeming selfishness, the grief of losing others whom they considered part of their future, are all beautifully captured. They turn back to themes that are emotionally valuable to them, and replay them constantly, they ‘escape from the present and dream of former happiness, exorcise past misfortunes.’ 
Familiarity and habit impoverishes the way they look at things. They are mostly unable to break away from the past and see things in a fresh way. It doesn’t help that breaking away might mean losing everything that made them great/admired. Lack of interest and curiosity are aggravated by biological conditions, and this intellectual and emotional indifference may cause inertia. Death is no longer an abstract, but a personal, near-term event. “The sadness of old people is not caused by any particular event or set of circumstances: it merges with their consuming boredom, with their bitter and humiliating sense of uselessness, and their loneliness in the midst of a world that has nothing but indifference for them.”

There are examples of how old age affects professionals in different fields – science, literature, politics, and it is poignant to note how famous personalities whose works we still hold as the gold standard were troubled so much while they were creating them in the twilight of their life – Freud, Churchill, Michelangelo. 

As the author rightly points out, “One’s life has value so long as one attributes value to the life of others, by means of love, friendship, indignation, compassion. When this is so, then there are still valid reasons for activity or speech.” At some point, we will all end up saying “in my time” – about the time we looked upon ourselves as first-class individuals, doing our best work, feeling like we belonged in this world. That window is bound to close, and those who live long ‘have that melancholy privilege of remaining alone in a new world’. (Ninon de Lenclos) 

This is definitely not a cheerful read, but the narrative is strong and impassioned, and the subject even more important as we age. So yes, a fantastic read that offers universal and timeless insights on one’s own future. 

Quotes
“Ageing is not a simple slope which everyone slides down at the same speed. It is a flight of irregular stairs down which some journey more quickly than others.” ~ Howell
‘Oh, the unhappy state of man! Scarcely has the mind reached full ripeness before the body begins to fall away’ ~ Montesquieu
“Not only has this past’s future ceased to be a future, but in becoming the present it has often disappointed our hopes”