One of the things that I have been very interested in recently is the abundance mindset. The internet offers many definitions, but at this point, “I know it when I see it”. It is also something I don’t have. Yet. Or at least, it is sporadic. And that’s something I want to remedy.
I know at least a couple of people who display it in most circumstances. They are calm like Stoics, but I think they embrace life and its flavours much more. And I have seen that this mindset makes their lives better – both professionally and personally. This is reason enough, but something I read recently also gave me an a-ha moment – George Saunders’ convocation speech at Syracuse University for the class of 2013. 1
What I regret most in my life are failures of kindness.
Those moments when another human being was there, in front of me, suffering, and I responded…sensibly. Reservedly. Mildly.
I could completely relate to that. Irrespective of how I felt, I have held back, more often than not. And I feel guilty about it, though my internal image management software does provide me the narratives. e.g. Given that I lack the resources to help everyone, how do I even decide? If I give away, will I regret it at some point when I am in need? To me, this “holding back” is one of the markers of a scarcity mindset, the opposite of the abundance mindset. How did I get here?
D and I have worked hard to get where we are. And right from arranging our own marriage, the underlying theme has been freedom – to pursue our own path. But that also created a desire to visibly prove to others that we had succeeded. While that phase is now behind us, it still takes effort to quell the occasional urges, because it almost seems like we’re not acknowledging our own past selves who did the work to get us here.
But the challenge doesn’t end there. In the earlier phase, the “others” were simply extended family. But the explosion of social has meant that every connected person is an “other”. ‘Why are they more successful?”, “Why am I not that person?” – the arms race for the better highlight reel is thus never-ending. Even if one manages to overcome that, there is the self image, which dictates choices. Remember travel? And lastly, we look forward to the time when we need not work for a living. But that also brings up the fear of losing what we have gained, and not being able to live the life we have planned. All three factors contribute to the scarcity mindset.
An assumption that I had made was that by the time I am ready to log off from working for a living, I would get to an abundance mindset, driven by our financial freedom. While it was based on my own behaviour in the last few years, I am not so sure now. All three of the challenges in the above paragraph are infinitely scalable. So how does one proceed?
A mentor told me recently that I had to give myself the freedom to make mistakes. This was in the context of my work, and one of the reasons I am careful is because I don’t want to let down folks who have trusted me to do right by the brands I manage/have managed. But I realised that there is another reason, one that’s relevant to this context – self image, and the fear of losing whatever I have built up over the years as a professional. This makes me very cautious about trying out new things, failing, and thus learning. It also leads to a habit – mindset combination that creates its own loop. While I have been able to tackle that at work, I haven’t had as much success in the life context.
One approach that has helped me though is baby steps of impulsiveness. In 2020, I sent books to quite a few people. Earlier, I would have looked at what it was costing me. I consciously built a narrative against it. It helped me in two directions – reaching out to people I like, and in a small way, beating the scarcity mindset. This is in line with one perspective I read about recently – using deliberate actions to change mindset rather than the usual opposite direction. “Freedom is nothing but the existence of our will“
So where do I plan to direct that will? Change. For “If I need things to be a certain way, I’m held hostage by them” But that’s not one click away. Thankfully, a book I read recently – “How will you measure your life?” and a subsequent conversation with D helped me with some direction. The first, from the book, is to deeply question the most important assumptions in my strategy. The second, also from the book, is to “align my resources with my strategy” if it is to work. Let me explain with an example. To have a socially fulfilling life if/when we move to Kochi, one strategy is to make friends with neighbours, at least some of them. The assumption is that I will make friends easily. Sadly, not proven so far. I am shy, and introverted. So how can I align my resources to get there, using my current context as a training ground?
That’s where D, knowing me and being pragmatic, provided insights. I am comfortable with a few friends, but when it comes to others, grumpy when things don’t go as per schedule. I have noticed that whenever I give myself slack time, the experience is absolutely fine. So, when I invite neighbours over, I am going to make sure nothing else is in the schedule for the rest of the day, and spread pending work if any well enough to avoid stress in the next few days. The addendum to it is that I don’t see this as a constraint (oh, I have to suffer this) but view it with an open mind – that it will be fun. So if this works, the only assumption I have is having enough time. Something that is reasonably guaranteed after we shift because there will be no professional responsibilities.
Not really impulsive, but unplanned enough. Financial freedom (fingers crossed) will help me with money slack, and by conscious efforts, I hope to create time slack. Two barriers to the abundance mindset. I think this freedom should me tackle the demands of self image, the third, easier, because if one is truly enjoying the journey and getting new perspectives, wants could move to lesser needs, more humility and thus, an abundance mindset. Yet to deeply look at the assumptions there, but I will get there.
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