Tag: humanity

One of an unkind 😐

We met an acquaintance when we’d gone for a movie last weekend. During the interval, he bought two large colas – one for him and his wife, and one for us. For reasons I considered valid (only one of which was that I considered the thing addictive and didn’t want to tempt myself at the beginning of the summer) I had to say no – a thanks but.. polite no at first to a curt no finally. When the movie ended, he walked out, one cola stilled clutched, and a sheepish smile thrown at us. I felt very uncomfortable, more so because I didn’t really know him and didn’t explain to him why i said no. I had, with my silence, rebuffed, what was a nice gesture from him.

I hurried back to catch ‘Boston Legal’, and it was as though the cosmos wanted to rub it in. One of the cases under trial in the episode was that of a sorority expelling a member because she was socially awkward. The interesting part was that lawyers on both sides were essentially very nice people…. with personality disorders. Jerry, who appears on behalf of the sorority president has Asperger syndrome, and uses another personality to overcome his awkwardness and Clarence, who appears for the defendant, has multiple personalities, each of which is a defense against more aggressive people. Though I supported the member – Marcie Cooper, who I felt was wronged, I found Jerry’s closing extremely touching

College is also about preparing students for the outside world. Last time I checked, it’s pretty tough out there. There’s the old adage, “Nice guys finish last.” There’s some truth to that. I happen to know opposing counsel is a fundamentally kind man. Sensitive. He chose to exploit my Asperger’s syndrome to win this case.

My very best friend, a lawyer I had a case against not too long ago, he, too, exploited my Asperger’s. He’s a very good man, who opted for cruelty as a strategy.

If Marcie Cooper comes out of this experience thinking that people can be cruel—even the kind, sensitive
ones—if she’s learned that she will be judged not simply on merit, or the content of her character, but on how she looks and socializes with others, she’s gotten an education, one that will serve her in life. This is a free society. People get to choose their friends, clubs get to choose their members. Sometimes it’s very ugly and unfair. That’s . . . life.

And I could imagine how the kind sensitive ones could be cruel. Perhaps its the result of a majority of humanity taking advantage of their kindness and sensitivity, or being insensitive to it, or trampling their kind acts and emotions in the races they run, or laughing at what would be deemed their idiocy.

And I wondered- in educating children for life, will parents have enough time and patience for teaching their children the importance of being humane, while still instilling in them the smartness that would enable them to know when someone takes advantage of them? Or will they choose the easy way out and teach them to be rude, to unfairly demand, to snatch by might irrespective of right? And create a race of inhuman beings who wouldn’t spare a thought for those who are perhaps not as strong as them – physically, emotionally or in terms of social skills.

I’m no angel, but i try to prevent my own unkindness. I usually ask myself “how would I feel in the other person’s shoes”, but there are some situations when for some reason, I cannot adhere to my own rule. I feel very guilty on such occasions, because I feel that through that act I might have started a chain. Someday soon, I hope to make it up to that acquaintance, for I am sorry. I truly am.

until next time, transactions in kind

March 10, 2009
World Views

Sometime back, a work related trip took me to two completely different worlds in the same city – one, a software giant’s well designed campus, and the other, a market area. I’ve been in Bangalore now for 6 years now, but still can’t claim familiarity with a lot of places.

The tech park was exactly as I had pictured it, from the large amount of written matter dedicated to it regularly in newspapers. Large and well laid out, with its own studio, food courts and bustling with activity. The activity is not techies just slaving in front of monitors, though I am sure that happens inside too, but having animated conversations over cups of coffee, cycling between building blocks, discussing a cultural activity happening in the next few days, and some even watching the world go by.

Gandhi Bazaar isn’t exactly the most written about place in newspapers, probably because its residents are not as appealing to the readers of the newspapers I read. But it is bustling nevertheless – the granny in the bullock cart surrounded by flowers, multitudes of roadside sellers, trading everything from vegetables to fancy jewelry to toys to clothes, a lot of happy, smiling faces drifting in and out of shops. I saw faces that just blended into the surroundings and others that didn’t perhaps belong there. (like me) From where I stood watching, I couldn’t see any branded outlets around that I recognised, but in the vicinity you could get the best coffee and masala dosa. Pleasures of a different kind, but great ones nevertheless. Anything more would sound condescending.

These are two worlds separated by a few kilometres, but almost isolated from each other, both worlds unto themselves, oblivious to each other, except for the few who occupy both. I can imagine the young local huduga who is now a techie and handles both worlds with ease. I feel happy for him, and hope he realises how lucky he is to be part of both these worlds – one that helps him stay grounded and the other that helps him fly high.

One planet, so many different worlds, and so many different stories. A lifetime wouldn’t be enough to experience. This thought created a sense of deja vu, and sure enough, a search yielded this post. I guess the lessons of Nude Ellie are seeing a change of perspective.

until next time, deja view 🙂

March 3, 2009
Causalities and Casualties

Part 1

For how are they made? By the inequality that surrounds. By their angst that accompanies our opulence. By the unfairness of it all. And when I look at my hands, I realize, I also have a hand in making them. I can’t condone, but I can’t incriminate either. There is blood on my hands too.

Part 2

Yes, I am desensitised. Because I exist in agonising helplessness when millions around the world die of poverty, lack of healthcare etc. Yes, it’s connected. And when those who prefer to be oblivious to this, wake up to a terrorist act and resurrect humanitarianism, just because it struck too close, I smell rot. My bad.

Part 3

I’m sorry. Sorry that it was your duty to become the nation’s cross-bearer. I’ll not join groups that’ll claim not to let your sacrifice go in vain. Sorry it will. We’ll get back to our lives. Sorry we’ll forget you in time. All I can do is pray, for you and those you left behind.

until next time, topical compassion!!!!

December 2, 2008