There was a time, a long long ago, in the era of cassettes, when one had no idea about whether the entire soundtrack of the movie would be good. One just bought it on the first day of release, sometimes relying on the music director/s, or snippets heard as ‘forthcoming attractions’ from the previous soundtrack released by the same company, if it was T-Series, TIPS, HMV etc, or by begging the shopkeeper to open that cellophane wrapper and play the tape for a while. And thus, in those days, one would sometimes receive serendipitous delight and be transported by the music. Closed eyes, smile on the lips, and body slowly rocking, lost in the world of some ethereal track. These days, even if you don’t go searching for tracks, they find you, either on FM or through the algorithm of some feed that is supposed to have gleaned your preferences. (more…)
Tag: dreams
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Destination Nowhere
My reading habits are quite predictable, and as with most of my habits, they become more concrete over a period of time. I pessimistically call it building my own prison walls, and the statement works across contexts. 🙂
But sometimes I rebel against this. In the case of reading, one of the things I do while shopping is to consciously choose a book that I wouldn’t normally read, or better still, I let D choose a few books. But a better disruption happens during Kerala trips. At D’s parents’ home, I pick up a random book which I normally wouldn’t go anywhere near, and finish it. This time it happened to be Randy Pausch‘s ‘The Last Lecture‘. To give you a quick perspective, the book is based on the last lecture given by Randy Pausch at Carnegie Mellon, and adding to the University’s aim of “what wisdom would you share with the world if it was your last chance?”, he also makes it a message to his young children, since he has been diagnosed with a terminal illness.
In many ways, though personal, it’s the typical inspirational book, but several parts interested me. At one level, the author’s penchant for following childhood dreams struck a chord with me, for I have always entertained a notion that our childhood aspirations are instinctive and free of the baggage of later life. In that sense, it’s perhaps closest to what we’re really meant to do. Debatable, but it’s a belief nevertheless. 🙂 The professor also gives perspectives on following dreams, and the roadblocks one might encounter. He believes that ‘brick walls’ are there for a reason – to see if you really want something bad enough.
Later in the trip, we visited Cochin’s contribution to the country’s ever growing mall list – Oberon Mall, to catch a movie at Cinemax – Mammootty’s ‘Best Actor’. The story of a man who while working as a Hindi teacher to fulfill his familial responsibilities, believes that he is destined to be an actor, despite his age and the mocking attitude of several around him. (slight spoiler) In a desperate last ditch attempt, he takes the unintentional advice of a film crew (how Vivek Oberoi landed a role in Company) and becomes part of a street gang to ‘learn’ his role the real way. As is his wont these days, Mammootty excels in a role and the script gives him enough ammunition. Ranjith, playing himself, advises Mammootty’s character, and tells him that if he has decided to become an actor, then actor he will be.
I’m a sucker for cosmic message theories and two random works seemed to be giving me the same message. My problem though, is a step behind. I am yet to find what I really want from life – the one thing that will drive me, the thing I am born to do. Almost everything I do these days is an attempt to crack that question. I am also constantly seeking out Dutch uncles (another term learned from the book) to give me perspectives on brick walls and a kind of laziness I blame myself for.
Funnily, I also received contradictory messages – a random link shared by someone – Osho’s talk on anger and not desiring (so) intensely and later (via Surekha, who now believes that irrespective of destiny, my destination is the Himalayas 😀 ) Chinmayananda’s talk on the journey being the goal.
As always, this Kerala journey too gave me much food for thought. But Randy Pausch’s poignant line reminds me “Time is all you have. And you may find one day that you have less than you think”
until next time, time tableau
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Stairway to heaven
A few days back, I came across a line we had used some time back for a brand campaign, as part of some ambient advertising – “Let’s cut climbing stairs, but not climbing ladders”. That ended up prompting quite a surreal thought.
Of starting to climb a ladder from the time we’re kids. The first few rungs seem easy, there’s someone helping you, and you know that the same someone is there to catch you when you fall. There are others who are climbing ladders too, your friends, some of whom keep up with you while others choose a faster or slower pace. There are those who will leap, knowing all about high risks and huge rewards. There are those who know exactly how much of effort is required to reach where they want to be, and there are those who are unsure, but still know they’ve to climb.
At some point, when you have climbed quite a bit, you pause to look. You might realise that the support you had in the beginning is gone, and perhaps replaced with another one. You would look up, perhaps you now know where you have to go, and the steps and pace required to get there. Or you would look down, and see how far you’ve come up. Or you would look sideways, at friends, family, peers who have been climbing too, you might be tempted to compare and consider your efforts and results against what theirs.
And then perhaps you would just close your eyes, take a deep breath and look within – at what you have, and what you want to have. Maybe you’ll find yourself dissatisfied and might want to climb a bit more. Or you’ll decide that you quite like the place you’re at, and this is as good a final destination as there can be, you’ll choose to enjoy the view from where you are and perhaps help those who haven’t been able to climb as much as you have, or those who want to climb higher than you have. Maybe you would decide to climb a bit more and then decide.
The choice would be yours. After all, its your ladder, and your climb, and the top rung is where you decide it will be. The only thing you really don’t know is the journey time.
until next time, an alarm rung….
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Future Shocks
Sometimes you look back and realise that the future you had envisioned is where you are right now. I’d written about this a few weeks back.
But when you look back, it’s difficult to ensure that only the positive memories get thrown up. Its a bit like Google Search, my memory- even if there’s some remote link to the search query, the result will be shown. And when it’s my own life I’m searching in and about, it’s difficult to stop at Page 1, though I may have got the result. 🙂
Besides, its only natural (when looking for the future I’d envisioned in the past) that I tend to look at a particular time in my life, when the first professional dreams were getting made – around the time that I finished my PG. The summer of 2002, a scenario, quite similar to what the world is facing now. This was the placement season right after the dotcom bust.
I read a few reports recently on how many companies are refusing to honor the offer letters made to students, or delaying the joining date till everything stabilises. I feel very bad for these kids, there are very few things that could’ve prepared them for this. Everything happened in quite a bit of a hurry. And suddenly the dreams of a secure future, the list of purchases to be made from the first salary, all seem like a sick joke that fate played on them. Its difficult to put into words the frustration, the anger and the sorrow that they’d feel. When their confirmed employer suddenly keeps them waiting, then gives them very mixed signals, when they wake up every day and realise that they have finished their education but are yet to start the next step – employment, when relatives see a prey and sweep in to casually ask what their plans are now, when they have to push an entire day knowing that tomorrow would not be any better, when they agonise at home/college wondering why all this is happening to them, when they see their classmates join organisations whose offer they’d rejected, when they start looking for other options only to realise that in such choppy weather, no one is willing to give them even a straw to clutch at, it can shatter their confidence, and more importantly their faith in the force that holds it all together.
But yes, as the old saying goes, whatever doesn’t kill you will only make you stronger. I should know, since I was one of them for a nerve wracking 2 months. This post is a thank you note to the higher power , and loved ones for pulling me through. This post is also a prayer for those poor souls who will hopefully look back at all this, and will still be able to smile.
until next time, dream