Tag: choices

  • Relative rationality

    After a failed exchange plan, I gave our TV to the apartment security guy. I had thought it would be an upgrade for him, but it turned out he had no TV at home, and therefore no clue what to do with it. I suggested talking to the cable guy in his neighbourhood, but the next day he gleefully announced that his daughter had connected it to the mobile and they were now watching YouTube. I told him about data charges but overall, the issue was resolved.

    Them

    Around the same time, D got a call from a relative in Kerala about her daughter joining a college in Bangalore. She wanted to know if we knew about the college, and also check how far we were from it. We were especially far away, and I wondered why they didn’t use Google Maps since all relevant locations were known to them. Later, it turned out that they even visited Bangalore to get the hostel sorted and apparently went right back because classes had not begun and any stay in the hostel would involve extra charges! This time I wondered why they didn’t use the phone to call ahead and ask the college before setting out! I found it especially surprising because the girl’s brother claimed to regularly shop from Amazon! I automatically compared these two kids to the security guy’s daughter, roughly the same age. Did staying in Bangalore provide a kind of ‘tech privilege’, or was it a mindset?

    Us

    We also have a few friends in their 40s who have settled abroad. A conversation about waiting times for doctors in Europe led to a quality of life comparison. We have now spent close to two decades in Bangalore, and never really made any attempts to settle elsewhere. I remember how in my 20s, my mindset was that we’d be second class citizens anywhere else in the world. I also didn’t want to move far away from Kerala, though this was at a time when culture – food, movies etc – wasn’t as portable as it is today. Traffic notwithstanding, I really like Bangalore and wouldn’t trade places, but the 40s are when you face your “what ifs” head on, and ideally get some closure! But I digress.

    The discussion made me wonder how an objective observer would evaluate our decision to not move abroad. I think we could have easily done it in our 30s if we had decided to, especially given we had no procreation plans. And yet we didn’t really consider it or even have a serious discussion about it. Arguably, the quality of life in at least some parts of the West is better, and so, would that observer think of it as an opportunity wasted? And think of us the same way I thought of D’s relatives – not using the access they had to ‘unlock’ information and opportunities?

    Everyone

    The concept, of course, is bounded rationality – the idea that rationality is limited when individuals make decisions, and under these limitations, rational individuals will select a decision that is satisfactory rather than optimal. Satisficing vs optimising. But what I am realising now are a couple of things. One, it is practically impossible to be objective about it. I continued to rationalise even as I wrote about our domicile non-decision! And it’s not just for the self after time has passed – it’s a moving target because one evolves. Not stepping into the same river twice and all that. It is also for others about whom one can be relatively more objective. Funny how I expect them to optimise when I don’t always do it in my personal life. Yet another reason to stay from being judgmental about others, and self! And two, the increasing levels of satisficing that happens as one grows older. Interestingly, I automatically compartmentalise work and life and am an optimiser in the former. But in personal contexts, it’s a struggle because there are two opposing mindsets – “growth happens at the end of your comfort zone” vs “you do you”. And I can’t even say do what you’re comfortable with because that’s clearly in the comfort zone. Maybe a better framing is “what makes me feel alive”.

  • Citi Zen

    Caught ‘Mumbai Meri Jaan’ on the weekend, was propelled to the theatre by the cast – Kay Kay, Irrfan, Paresh Rawal, Vijay Maurya. I’m not going to attempt a review, and will limit the post to a few nuggets and a strong recommendation to go watch the movie. I think the movie worked for me because almost all the lead characters were ones I could identify or empathise with.

    Vijay Maurya (Dawood in Black Friday, Jam K in the horrible ‘Bombay to Bangkok.. hmm, thats a coincidence, all the 3 movies have a Mumbai link) for his rage and helplessness against the system he is part of.

    Irrfan, for the agony that he feels, on the way he, as a citizen from the lower strata of the economy, is treated by those more fortunate than him, but for still retaining the innate goodness of his character.

    Kay Kay, for the indignation and the impulsive mistrust of Muslims.

    Paresh Rawal (bless the director and scriptwriter for reminding me of the original Paresh Rawal, the one before the morass of his recent movies and Priyadarshan happened to his career) for the cynicism and acceptance of the system he is part of, but still retaining a part of himself that can be stung by someone pointing this out to him. His cynicism is just amazing. Check out this nugget, “Arre, blast ke baad agar bar khule nahi rahenge, to Mumbai ka spirit kahan se aayega” and the part where he says (to paraphrase) ” a long time ago, we joined seven islands to make Mumbai. After the 7 blasts on 7/11, I felt we were being split into 7 again”

    But most importantly, Madhavan, the 30+ corporate executive, who refuses to buy a car because he does not want to contribute to the city’s pollution, who refuses to take up opportunities abroad because of a sense of patriotism, who advises a roadside vendor to stop using plastic….

    I could identify a lot with the last character, especially when he is shown doubting the choices he has made as well as his sticking with them, as people close to him berate him, doubting whether an individual can make a difference. A doubt that forces him to ask his NRI friend, on his India visit, whether he’s really happy there…the conversation that follows, that highlights how human beings are in the same situation across the globe. And one that reinforced a personal belief for me, happiness is within me, and the most important battles I have to win, are those against myself.

    until next time, exorcise demons daily

  • Prisoners of birth?

    “They’re both oaks, even if they were planted in different forests. But then, m’lord, we all suffer in our different ways from being prisoners of birth.”, thus spoke a wonderful character called Mr. Munro in Jeffrey Archer’s ‘A Prisoner of Birth’. Profundity !
    I wonder how many of us are able to grow into oaks, irrespective of which forest we’re planted in. No doubt, a few do manage, but the majority live a life that derives a lot from the forest it grew up in. Getting set into patterns and stereotypes that somehow define us irrespective of what we are and what we attempt to be. From the name that reveals your nationality, religion, to the tags that make you middle class/ cosmopolitan/ south indian and everything in between.
    And by the time we pause for breath, and care to reflect on where we have reached, we can only wonder how life might have been different, if the settings chosen had been different. And sometimes we look around and end up thanking the higher power for the setting. The place, the time, the parents, the economic conditions which perhaps make up the where, when, who and what, but leaves us holding the one question that we’d love the answer to – why?

    until next time, the path to freedom…

  • Choose to opt?

    Choices and options. Similar yet different. Colorful and black & white respectively. Choices are made, options are taken. To make a choice, one reasons with self, and perhaps has to walk a new road. An option is at best a judgment,among the different ones available, the road is one that has been walked on.

    until next time, the choice is yours 🙂