Category: Purpose

  • Lost Universes

    Sometime back, I got an email forward – A Violinist in the Metro, about the world famous musician Joshua Bell, who, in 45 minutes, played 6 Bach pieces, with a violin worth $3.5 million, at a metro station in Washington, and collected $32 for the effort. A couple of days back, he had sold out at a theater in Boston and the seats had averaged $100. The incident was a social experiment by Washington Post to check out whether we perceive beauty in a commonplace environment and whether we stop to appreciate it. The findings are a testament of the fast paced life we live, and the things we miss out on.

    But a few other facts in this incident interested me. For one, the crowd segment that paid the most attention to the musician were children. Their parents had to forcibly tug them away. Even if we are cynical and claim that its just curiosity, and not an appreciation of music, I still wonder about our life graph, and the part where we lose our innate curiosity. And its not just curiosity, its innocence, its a lot of other things that we lose on the way.

    When I meet friends from school or college, I sense they’ve changed, and so have I. Attitudes,mindsets, behaviour, all transforming themselves according to the experiences that life throws at us. And because of this, I am not able to relate to them the way I used to at an earlier point in time. A part of me that is perhaps lost forever. Even if I tried to re create it, it would be resisted by the current me.

    The other portion in the incident that interested me was that after the performance, there was no applause or recognition. People just moved on, oblivious to the phenomenon they didn’t perceive. I wonder if Joshua Bell was disappointed. Perhaps, if you’re a musician of that caliber, you would have passed the stage where you needed a stamp of approval. Or is he just like me? An unconfident performer of life, who looks around apologetically if he has upset any balance. Perhaps if i could perform like a carefree child, I could get back the curiosity and the other things that I’ve lost.

    This stream of consciousness reminded me of something I’d read about in the novel Space – a space shuttle’s flight. As it ascends into space, at different levels it discards different parts, parts that were useful to get it to that point, but useless after they’ve served this utility. And after completing the mission that it was sent for, it blazes a path back through the atmosphere, burning all except its core. It lands in a place far away from the place of its origin, and time has passed while all this is happening. In a strange way, it reminded me of the way lives are lived – at massive speeds, too fast to notice the beauty of the vast expanses of space around, to achieve something which is relevant only in a very small context, burning up with the hope that all that is being done is worthwhile, and perhaps in a lost, melancholic way, deciding that since anyway the life is to be lived, might as well live it with a mission, however inadequate it seems.

    until next time, touchdown

  • Shaantam

    A thought that I’ve received for the second time – the first time was during a yoga class, and this time, it was thanks to the book I just finished reading – ‘Mistress’, by Anita Nair, as one of the navarasas that come into play in dance art forms – in this case Kathakali.

    Detachment. Freedom. An absence of desire. A coming to terms with life. When all is done, that is all we all aspire to. Shaantam.

    Now, I’ll not be presumptuous and claim that it applies to all, but it definitely does to me. For a while now, even before learning to articulate it, that has been a task I’d set for myself. The rough aim for me was to be comfortable with myself, and be as emotionless as possible with the judgments of others on my self and actions. I’ve had more failures than successes, but I’m learning. Learning that this state has to be acquired over a period of time. Learning that it can be done only in stages because there are things that one has to do to merely sustain the self in this world. Learning that there are responsibilities. Learning that there’s a time for everything, even for coming to terms with life.

    But for me, the revelation to me in that explanation was the word ‘absence’, while most of  my thoughts and actions had been done to suppress. There is a huge difference.

    The cold and cough that has been plaguing me for the last week made me go for an antibiotic. While it did its work on the trouble makers, the side effect was that my taste buds were rendered inactive. So, though I had a great dinner on Saturday, the desire that used to precede the regular weekend dinners was conspicuous by its absence. I read it as another signal – that the absence of desire is not to be achieved by frontal assaults meant to suppress it. That does more harm than good. The absence is merely a side effect of something far larger in scale, changes in the greater canvass of life, a gradual cleansing process. I shall start again. 🙂

    until next time, merry xmas, and I shall see you next on the first day of the new year

  • Despair

    is perhaps when life slips by playing its part
    and you slip by without playing yours..

    until next time, no time to spare

  • And that would explain a lot of things..

    “..They would return to unwanted jobs, unloved families, unchosen friends, to drawing rooms, evening clothes, cocktail glasses and movies, to unadmitted pain, murdered hope, desire left unreached, left hanging silently over a path on which no step was taken, to days of effort not to think, not to say,to forget and give in and give up. But each of them had known some unforgotten moment – a morning when nothing had happened, a piece of music heard suddenly and never heard in the same way again, a stranger’s face seen in a bus – a moment when each had known a different sense of living. And each remembered other moments, on a sleepless night, on an afternoon of steady rain, in a church, in an empty street at sunset, when each had wondered why there was so much of suffering and ugliness inthe world. They had not tried to find the answer and they had gone on living as if no answer were necessary. But each had known a moment when, in lonely, naked honesty, he had felt the need of an answer..”

    until next time, ain’t Rand right?

  • Tick Talk

    Do you think i should go for some kind of treatment – i cant seem to resist puns :)..oh well, we all have our quirks, and puns have been proven to be harmless except for odd cases where people have choked on their food… but then, timing is everything, isnt it… so lets do some tick talk…no, not the ones you find on your dog, the verb, the clock ticking… only in this case, i am referring to humans ticking… (no, not the ones they have in Sri Lanka!!)
    all of us traverse the graphs which go around the thin line of emotionlessness, some skew more towards happiness and some towards sorrow, and most of us have a fair mix of both.. Like the charged ions who are forever trying to return to a neutral state, sometimes we too end up longing for a state of no emotion, maybe because we are at a stage where even happiness is momentary, and sorrows seem to last forever.. but we dont seem to fall into that emotionless state, because there’s always something that keeps you ticking…
    its different for different people, and different for the same person at different times..it could be the refreshing weekend that just got over, or the one thats about to start… the good song you just listened to, or the album that you are waiting for… a rocking love life,or an ex-love whose separation rocked you and left you with sweet nostalgic memories…. a lavish meal, or the thought where the next meal would come from…. a ride in your favourite machine,or being constantly taken for a ride.. standing outside with a pleasant breeze on your face,or stuck in the rain and just wanting to get inside…for good or for bad, there always seems to be something that makes us tick, until, in the end, like evrything else that has done its time, our machinery also has to stop..
    until next time, what it is…makes you tick?