Category: @tempting humour

  • Hogwash

    Howling was a worried author. Though her books were appreciated by the masses, she hadn’t been able to reach quite the same level as a certain Mr.Erle Stanley Gardner. and she was quite sure that it was mostly due to the one star character that Gardner had created – perry mason. yes, thought Howling, that was what she needed – an iconic character. she didn’t want to take the competition head on, so the character couldn’t be a lawyer. there was only one profession that could offer the same kind of thrills, mystery, sex and intrigue – a private detective. and thus was born Parry Hotter. Parry, a take on Perry, and Hotter, because Howling thought hes character would be, well, a much hotter proposition in the market. and what followed was

    Parry Hotter and the Philosopher’s Stone

    Donald Chump had everything – money, power, hair, a successful reality show, but in spite of all this, he was a worried man. Women hated him. In spite of all the pheromone perfumes and pickup lines that his staff wrote for him, he simply couldn’t woo a woman. But he still had some hope, for legend had it that a philosopher in ancient Greece had found the secret of what women really wanted, and had capsuled the secret into a stone. Chump was told by his advisers that if it existed, there was only one man who could get it for him – Parry Hotter. Chump only told him two words – You’re hired!! And thus begins Parry’s journey to Greece and its past. Will Parry get the stone? Will Chump become a lady’s man??In the very first book of the series, Howling has created a character that looks all set to become an icon for generations to come.

    Parry Hotter and the Chamber of Secrets

    It is said that power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely. In the second book of the series, Howling has raised controversial questions on America’s legislature, the Clinton administration and the nation’s esteemed judiciary. Parry Hotter has been hired by certain politicians to investigate rumours about the secret happenings in the presidential chambers. As he gets sucked into the vortex of political manipulation, lust, greed, scandal, sex and power, the tension mounts. Will Parry get his cover blown? Or will he get the job done?

    Parry Hotter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

    In this new novel, set in the war torn middle east, Howling has tried to take a moral stance on global issues. Parry Hotter has been enlisted by a rebel group to help its leader escape from the heavily guarded military base at Azkaban. Battling double agents, regime loyalists, lookalikes, and deadly arab damsels, and torn between loyalty to his nation and global sympathy, Parry has to decide – is he saving a tyrannical dictator or an old man who stood up to the most powerful nation on earth?

    Parry Hotter and the Goblet of Fire

    Its a threat as old as the world itself. Countless people have fought it and countless have succumbed to it – drugs. In his new adventure, Parry Hotter is on the trail of a mandarin who holds the secret to the most potent drug in the scene today. Known as the goblet of fire, the addictive potion has already killed thousands and is well on its way to destroying millions more. as parry hunts the mandarin of death from the jungles of colombia to the beaches of goa, and the drug infested streets of hong kong to the teeming nightlife of London, he comes face to face with the troubles of a generation, which is in search of itself. Can parry douse the fire thats eating up an entire generation??

    Parry Hotter and the Order of the Phoenix

    In her stunning new novel, Howling brings Parry full circle. Thanks to Parry, Donald Chump is now quite a lady killer. But in his quest for more power, he has created an army of deadly female assassins. With the help of the Philosopher’s stone, he has manipulated them to having only a single mission – helping Chump become the most superior power on earth.  From models and actresses to princesses and heads of state, chump continues to lure more and more women into his army of assassins. He has named them the ‘order of the phoenix’, for the sheer lust for them could make men rise even from their ashes. As the world awakens to the threat of Chump, it becomes evident that there’s only one man who can save the earth from the clutches of Chump – Parry Hotter.

    Parry Hotter and the Half Blood Prince

    Parry Hotter has retired from his life of adventure. But even he cant resist a challenge, especially when there’s royalty involved. The young prince of England is ready for his coronation. All of England is in joy, but a dark cloud is in the horizon. it has become known that there’s someone who wants to assassinate the prince. As a pall of gloom envelops the royal family, it also becomes known that the villain in the piece is none other than the illegitimate son of the prince’s mother and her businessman lover. Raised by his grandparents after his parents’ horrible death in a car crash, he is known as the half blood prince.

    As he battles the vested interests of tabloids in search of scandals and former royal employees turned bestselling authors, the world expects magic from parry, but has he met his match this time??

    until next time, i can see brickbats and broomsticks chasing me…..

    Update: If you liked the above, you might also want to read Hogwash – The Finale

  • Bollywood Dictionary for Dummies

    actor: may land up in the couch for different reasons.
    actress: the driving force on the couch .
    blockbuster: a wonderful actress usually guarantees it .
    behind the scenes: careful, thats where the news agency guys are..
    climax: go on, pretend you dont know what that is .
    call sheet:given to the actress/filmmaker to know when they are supposed to arrive and where .
    camera: the filmmaker should always make sure there isnt one…
    anti climax: when theres a news agency involved in what would have been a climax..
    cartoon: thats what the filmmaker becomes if he gets caught .
    casting: what they do after the couch .
    casting couch: the couch used for casting .
    chemistry: what the actress is supposed to exhibit on the couch .
    costume: usually minimal .
    credits: should be given for a good performance .
    critic: they dont approve of the casting couch .
    cross over: change in position on the couch .
    cues: a good actress should always understand them .
    debut: the actress’ first couch experience .
    dialogue: the actress’ should be enticing, the filmmaker doesnt have any..
    director’s cut: when the filmmaker is a director.
    documentary: boring activity on the couch .
    double take: please see take .
    extras: only if the filmmaker insists. with good performances, they might be a threat to the actress.
    filmmaker: the guy to please on the couch, most often producer, but could also be director. actor, and yes, even villain .
    flashback: a feeling of deja vu for the filmmaker .
    flop:a non performer, but the actress to be blamed, never the filmmaker .
    frame: thats what the filmmaker claims when he gets caught .
    industry: a collection of filmmakers .
    in-the-can: the trip to the loo after the couch activity .
    lip sync: ideally the actress shouldnt, but refer take .
    make up: kiss before doing it .
    method acting: when the actress has done it before .
    miscast: the filmmaker’s excuse for a flop .
    overacting: usually happens when the actress is faking .
    plot: what the actress/news agency does to get the filmmaker on the couch .
    preview: foreplay before the couch. usually only for big fimmakers .
    release: refer climax .
    remake: a repeat performance, usually happens due to lack of subject/actress .
    screenplay: the activity on the couch .
    script: a nitty gritty version of the plot .
    slow motion: some filmmakers love doing it that way .
    story: every actress has one .
    take: you have to,if the filmmaker insists .
    word of mouth publicity: what a blockbuster gets .
    zoom: only deals with page 3 now, but would be interested in couch activities too..

    until next time, Koffee on the Kouch??

  • Shock and Awwww!!

    The cold war was over long ago, but being the dominant country had its own set of disadvantages, chief among which was being the primary target for all the terrorist organisations that wanted to make a bold statement.And being the head of such a country, especially when the world considered your iQ results negative, was definitely not the high that many people could live with. but whoosh (the name had come from the hot air currents that were said to be forever blowing inside his head) did, twice over,and was extremely proud of it.and today he would get one more chance to prove his might, whoosh thought, as he was being driven to the bentagun (the name had come from the physical prowess of the personnel) hq.

    for tonight, he had received the news that bentagun had located the person whom many had considered would be his nemesis – pin laden (the name had come from the enormous amount of grenade and other explosions he had master-minded).for having badly hurt his country’s pride, whoosh had chased p-l to distant lands, but p-l had been elusive and escaped capture. in fact p-l had pissed him off so much, that whoosh didnt even want to capture him alive, like he had captured another mortal enemy of his – sodamn insane. (the name because of his crazy antics) he wanted to blast pin-laden from the face of the earth. thus were his thoughts as he entered the room…

    the room, which had all the necessary buttons to blast the earth off itself, if the earth were ever a threat to his country.

    “have you confirmed his location?”, asked whoosh, as soon as he entered.

    “3.4 NORTH 95.7 EAST”, answered the nervous aide.

    “sir, there is a possibility of some collateral damage, could we discuss…”, squeaked another.

    “i dont care, so long as i can nuke that b****** , and we can discuss all that after i press this” said whoosh

    so saying, he pressed the button, that could annhilate a small country.

    “show it to me on the screen, quick”, shouted whoosh

    the aide, still nervous, pressed a button, and the image of a tranquil ocean appeared on the screen.

    “thats my pool, show me the region of impact”, said whoosh

    “er, thats the indian ocean, sir, and that is the region of impact”

    “what!!”, exclaimed whoosh

    ” p-l was hidden in an underwater lair, you will see the impact on the surface soon, sir”

    “ah, i see, he must be history by now… i can see the impact now.. wow, thats a gigantic wave”

    “er, yes sir, thats the collateral damage we warned you about”

    “a few fish, thats what was bugging you?.. all i’ll say is that there must be some lucky surfer around”, laughed whoosh.

    “not exactly sir…..once the wave reaches the coastline..”

    ” it would have become so small that it would be insignificant, ha”

    “thats not exactly the way it works, sir….”, tried the aide.

    “oh hush, stop ruining my great moment…..”

    the aide gave up.

    until next time, this is just a story, so dont be shocked or awed!!

  • A New Ear

    for all the nonsense we hear around us……

    Manmohan Singh will discover the man within like a certain Mohan Bhargava we know, and stop singing Italian tunes.
    Americans will have a new president as George W Bush gives up the presidency in favour of his long cherished ambition – to become a permanent faculty at america’s premier institute – MIT- institute for the Most Insane Truants.
    Nipplegate will become a tradition at Superbowl, with actresses, models, singers, socialites all vying for the honour (of course there will be a live telecast by DD)
    Uma Bharti will feature in an Adnan sami video, thus giving cross border cultural relations the much needed boost.
    Shahid and Kareena will tie up with Airtel to provide live lessons of mouth to mouth resusciation so that people can use it on other people when the need arises.
    Chandrababu Naidu’s plans will become the blueprint for development activities in all states.
    Real Madrid will pay the biggest contract amount ever to get Bhaichung Bhutia and complete their star ensemble.
    Yechury and his ilk will be sent to his beloved land Russia, to be more specific, Siberia, forever.
    Potholes will be found only in museums as they would be a thing of the past.
    Traditional Indian stuff will make a huge comeback as things like sari (with accessories like blouse) and karva chauth will be endorsed by Mallika Sherawat, Neha Dhupia etc.
    Sourav Ganguly will become the first non playing captain ever, in the history of the game.
    Women will be legally permitted to cut off the appendages of men who try to use it on them without their permission.
    I will convince myself that the paunch i possess is not an integrated 6 pack.
    School children will use MMS for more constructive purposes like copying during exams.
    Holland will take on Bangladesh and India in a triangular series to decide the #1 team in one day internationals.
    Laloo Prasad Yadav will be given charge of the ministry of animal husbandry so that he can manage buffaloes and other ministers, and keep his nose out of mechanical contraptions like trains which are beyond his scope of reality.
    Indians will find it in their hearts to outsource labour intensive work like construction to developing nations like USA.
    Seers will take over the business activities of bhais, and corporates like Ambanis will seek them to eliminate those who try to bring out shady deals.
    TV ads without Amitabh Bachhan will be back.

    That, if you look closely was literally the manuscrypts wishlist for the year 2005, some with tongue in check, while others with tongue firmly in cheek.

    until next time, go get that new year…. and spare a thought, a prayer and anything else you can spare for the less fortunate. this might be of help. (thanks kraz)