Category: @tempting humour

  • Chit Chat

    Apart from the odd skeletons in my closet, i also keep a few games, of the computer kind. this is about both… For a few months now, i have been frustrated at Level 6 of ‘Claw’. I resisted the urge to get the cheatcode for quite sometime, but finally succumbed and relived the sheer delight of having beat the system.
    Relived, because there was a phase when using ‘chits’ to beat the educational system was a thrill. From the mundane of keeping ‘educational material’ in shirt sleeves to swallowing the material when there was a chance of getting caught by the shrewd exam invigilator, even education had exciting moments. The small pieces of paper with whole chapters in micro fontsize writing are a work of art, and mind you, making them is as difficult as studying. 🙂
    So, as a part of the reliving,i thought of making a version of some terminology in the world of chits..
    Application Development – A complex process in which the requirements are firmed up, the study material is analysed, and the number and kind of chits decided and get made.
    ASCII– Accepted Standard Code for Information Interchange, used for Shareware.
    Booting – The intitation of the chit usage process, named after the most common accessory used to store chits.
    Cache – a dynamic pool of chits which are passed from batch to batch.
    Developer – A person who makes chits.
    Extensible Markup Language (XML) – A language that provides a format for describing structured data. This facilitates more precise declarations of content and more meaningful search results across multiple chits. A tool developed specifically for Wannabes, to extend their abilities and take their marks up.
    Firewall – It is an entity that tries to prevent a Trojan Horse from entering. Strip searching is an example.
    Green Card – The result of a successful use of chits. Named after the feeling evoked in other developers.
    Hypertext Transfer Protocol (HTTP) – The protocol used to transfer chits between developers working in groups. The most common is hand to hand and the best innovation reported was using the belt loop/pocket of the invigilator. Named so because of the tendency of the developers to become hyper during the transfer of text.
    Icon – A highly evolved developer, he has knowledge of Norton and all possible Trojan Horses, and is constantly developing more.
    Norton – An invigilator who recognises most Trojan Horses.every wannabe’s worst nightmare and a foe that icons and some lesser developers relish.
    Novice – One end of the spectrum, these guys are terrorised by the thought of getting caught, and sometimes ‘hang’ and dont return your answer papers (from which they had conveniently copied).
    Oracle – The most developed Icon, he can predict the questions that will appear in the exam. He cant be bothered to write the answers during the exam. he would have already managed to get some blank answer papers, on which he would have already written answers to expected questions,he just uses this.
    Shareware– Typically used by a group, who have an arrangement. This material can be used by all in the group, and if theres time and benevolence, by a novice.
    Trojan Horse – The material used to bring in chits. It could be anything from the clothes one wears to reference books to plaster casts. The worst known trojan horse is a sweater in the middle of May.
    Wannabe – He brings his own material, but has it in abundance, and can be seen searching the entire duration, because he doesnt know where he has kept what.

    until next time, gotchit?

  • Salman Khan to star in One Night at the Call Centre

    While it was old news than Rohan Sippy had purchased the rights for Chetan Bhagat’s second book ‘One Night At the Call Centre”, thats exactly what it has become – old news. The latest is that Atul Agnihotri, actor turned director, who in his acting days was compared to Arnie (no, not for the muscles, just the emotions) is going to direct the movie.
    Chetan Bhagat’s style in the book clearly showed that it was ready made for a movie, and his marketing efforts were very clear in projecting it as a timepass read. Acoording to Atul, a lot of actors are interested in the roles. But i guess the snag is that the minority of actors who can read and understand the book will immediately have an unfair advantage. Anyways, not to worry, to provide more bang for your buck, Atul has roped in Salman to play (hold on to something) Chetan Bhagat himself. Now i bet Salman and Chetan are busy congratulating each other, on each other’s good fortunes.
    However, since that scene is only a few pages in the book, with nothing but conversation and looking out of the train window, it is definitely going to be a tough task to fit in one shirt-removing scene and one nakabandi song by topesh Himself. I am also wondering on who they are going to choose as God’s voice. Yes, what Hindi movie can be complete without God!! Why do you think i said Chetan had it all planned out!! Anyways, is it going to be Naseeruddin Shah, Om Puri, Amitabh Bachchan or will we hear a new God? A dangerous thought crossed my mind, will it be Himself?

    until next time, its going to be a long night…
    Disclaimer: There is none, check this out

  • Happy Rakshabandhan…

    Some things never change…

    Guys used to look forward to Rakhi, they still do..





    .. but they just wish there were no strings attached…

    until next time, i am not obsessed, honest.. the fit was too good to ignore… 🙂

  • Independence Day preponed

    In a stunningly radical move, the ruling Congress led UPA has gotten the Parliament to pass a law that makes the Independence Day a variable date. The lower house of parliament passed the bill late last week amidst heated debate and a walkout by the opposition; the upper house’s approval made it law the following day. In a press release, the Opposition spokesperson had this to say,
    ” We are appalled by how this government could take such a step. This is against the spirit of the nation. Tell me, could you ever think of changing your birthday? It is something sacrosanct which evokes deep emotions in every citizen of this country.”
    The Congress party spokesperson defended ” We have always maintained that we are a people friendly government. This particular law has also been enacted to give a benefit to the society in total. In any case, there is a clause that states that the variable date has to be within 2-3 days of the original independence day. Statistics would prove that a lot of people are unhappy when the day falls on Thursday/Tuesday etc, when they have to take an extra day leave for a long weekend. For example, this time the independence Day is on Tuesday, with this law, we can change it to Monday, and give the entire country a long weekend.”
    until next time, freedom to…..
    Disclaimer: This work is just a product of the author’s imagination.

  • Prince to star in RGV’s film

    In a fitting climax to the tale that started on 21st Jul, Prince, the boy who got stuck in a tubewell while playing with friends, and thereby got the nation’s audience to get stuck on to the picture tube with timely assistance from various news channels, has been signed on by the famed Bollywood director Ram Gopal Varma.

    Prince, who is thrilled about his meteoric rise in popularity after his relatively smaller fall, has already received grants from the state and central governments of Rs. 2 lakh each. In addition, a couple of news channels have also promised him a sum of Rs. 7 lakhs.
    In an exclusive interview, Prince has expressed his happiness at being signed on by RGV, ” I am extremely thrilled at this opportunity. After the incident, everything in my life is suddenly falling into place. I had immense faith in God and the media, and i always knew that there would be a lightat the end of the tunnel. I cant talk about the film details as Ramuji has asked me not to, but i am undergoing a fitness programme to get back into shape. You see, i was fed a lot of milk, chocolate,biscuits etc during my ordeal, and over two days, i had become a bit too fat. In fact that was what had made the rescue a bit difficult.”
    When asked if he was concerned about the fact that RGV dropped his actors after hyping them, he had this to say, “He does so only if they dont fall into line with his thinking. But that wont be a problem for me since i have proven my falling skills.”
    RGV, who makes no bones of his obsession for Mumbai’s underworld and its characters, has confirmed the news, and was more forthcoming in an interview. “Yes, its true that i have signed on Prince. I am planning to make a prequel to my film “D”, which was a prequel to my earlier film “Company. I will be tracing the making of a criminal from his childhood days. Because of Prince’s close brush with the underworld at such a tender age, i feel he is ably suited to play the character. In fact, i have boiled down to a couple names for the film – Three’s Company (since this is the third episode), or e (C for company, then D, and so… also i might be releasing it only on the internet. I am already in talks with You Tube for that.). I have also got the rights from the English rockband Dire straits for their song ‘Tunnel of Love’, ‘How Deep is your love’ by Take That, ‘Falling into You’ by Celine Dion and ‘Deeper Underground’ by Jamiroquai, which will all be used in the film. Talks are also on with Deep Purple and Deep Blue something for more songs. Shooting will start any time now.”

    News has just arrived that RGV already has signed Prince for the remake, as he expects the original to get panned by the critics.
    until next time, Prince, how charming…
    Disclaimer: This work is just a product of the author’s imagination, except for the money and the Food and beverage bit.