And sometimes, in the strangest of places, you find food for thought. ‘The Peddler of Soaps’ by Anand Kurian, which I had expected to give me only some entertainment, and not points to ponder, did the former quite well, and tucked away in a page, a paragraph that provided the latter too.
Because a group is always a compromise, an intellectual or an ethical compromise. And a compromise always involves the lowest common denominator
I thought about it a bit, and found that I agreed. And it doesn’t even have to be a group. It can even be two individuals, and can involve any of the relationships we have with each other. Friendship, marriage, relatives, professional groups and so on.
While in the case of close relationships, we might tend to agree with each other most of the time, there are several times when we reach a compromise, sometimes with the other person, but mostly with ourselves, for the sake of the relationship, and the value we attach to it. In fact this value is also the factor that makes us compromise in casual relationships, and larger groups, in which case, the value is perhaps social acceptance.
Sometimes we forget these compromises, and at other times, they have a long shelf life, like open sores that never go away, as though to remind us that there was a choice, and a different decision might have led to the fulfillment of what we were meant to be. I wonder, by these compromises, do we forsake ourselves?
until next time, for the sake of….
and on the blog today ‘Forsake’ https://manuscrypts.com/?p=1439
Thought provoking! We compromise, forsaking our stances coz we fear that we’ll end up having to forsake something more important.. to save the stance!
Try doing this, ‘My way or the highway’ thing sometime, refuse to compromise.. so for once you gotta let go of all fear that makes you compromise…
..yes we give up a little bit of ourselves every time on compromises. but i suspect we also gain something else ( might not be what we had originally wanted, but something nonetheless)
Manuscrypts:
Better due diligence with a focus on the right elements – yes, even for relationships and friendships – would reduce much heartache for many.
If instead of checklists that emphasise ‘hotness’, looks, degrees, skin colour etc, people focused on values, principles and goals, their experiences would be vastly different.
Being principle-centric may not make one popular* in the short run, but in the longer run, it would make one a more desirable partner in business and life, and friend by virtue of being reliable, trustworthy and consistent**.
* Popularity contests are only useful for beauty pageant contestants. In the long run, it is better to be popular with oneself than with others, who do not care a jot how your life turns out 🙂
** And if you are about to quote me Oscar Wilde on consistency, read the entire quote in context because he recognises its virtue instead of disparaging it [Where? On that Trust post! 🙂 ]
I think in English August, Upmanyu Chaterjee writes about marriage, ( vaguley recall ) some kind of a fact where people get used to living with another person whose way of squeezing toothpaste out a tube irritates !!
And there..it is Least common denominator ! It always is ! And it is foresaking only to recieve something else. So in a sense it is not total foresaking. Foresaking of all is not real !
And by the way, it makes a new you. Post sometime, the new you ensures you dont realise the ‘foresake’ !!
🙂
for the sake of posting, sometimes I post just about anything that comes to mind and compromise on the quality. I lose a little of myself or the blog loses a little bit of itself. Relationships: With the blog 🙂
I think any relationship. professional/ personal.there will always be areas where one person has the upper hand, the greater knowledge.
how would it be any other way?
when i read ann rynd’s fountain head…i realised this whole thing about being a team and working together can never work out…coz every individual is unique and whenever we form a team..especially to do something creative…it will entails compromise of someone’s ideas….
about relationships…i dont think so…..coz here there are no goals …just sharing…but yes relationships can becomes liabilities!!!!
Anand Kurian saw this and wrote to me. Very nice 🙂 https://manuscrypts.com/?p=1439
Ankur: thats a compromise in itself, with its own set of opportunities that we forsake 🙂 but yes, its perhaps a better option than the one chosen everyday
cynic: yes, i agree
shefaly: perhaps, but even in the most carefully made relationships there are compromises… besides, its difficult to be clinical because there are so many parameters to consider when making a relationship.. perhaps compromises are in the dna of relationships
kavi: i’m not sure if the ‘new you’ ensures forgetting.. in fact, from experience, i’d say not
Arunima: haha, i was being more real 🙂
austere: its not about upper hand , its about compromising, and what/how much you compromise, and the effect it has on you
shooting star: no goals in relationships? i disagree..have written about it earlier https://manuscrypts.com/?p=401