“It is not the strongest species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the ones most responsive to change“, Darwin had said, in a more long-winded form. I have been in awe of evolution as a concept for a while now, and have rather prided myself on being adaptive, specially in my work context. In terms of hard skills, I still believe that’s the way to go. However, when dealing with people, both in personal and professional settings, I have realised that it is possible to go overboard on being adaptive.
A meta prequel before I get to that. On hindsight, I am seeing an evolution in my thinking on this subject. Back in April of last year, I figured out that I am happier when I don’t judge myself. Later, in October, I realised that there is a correlation, and probably even a causation, between my happiness and the way I treat others. I decided to fix my happiness as my compass. But when I read this post from a couple of months ago, it seems as though I had wandered off the track I had decided on.
In that last post, I had described my humour as a defense mechanism, and something my ego had picked up for defending its self perception. But I realise that humour in this context is only a means. The end (protecting a self image) was actually the issue. In fact, in a larger context, humour plays a much bigger role in my life. It’s a part of me that I like, and one that makes me happy. Writing, tees, humour in a conversation, wordplay, PJs, anything.
And that’s where it connects back to adaptability. The lessons – how much I adapt and for whom/what. I have to be more careful about the cost-benefit and not just blindly adapt just because I can. The tension between prakriti (nature, mine here) and sanskriti (culture, accepted behaviour/ expectations from those around me) can only be so much. In the above context, I only have a binary control of my humour – I cannot control the timing or the audience. So either it is switched on or it’s turned off. And when I turn it off, it takes a toll on me! I am just unhappy, and it shows! If I have to play it down and change myself, the intent better be worth it.
As for whom, I realised that I automatically expect reciprocation when I adapt. That, on hindsight, is dumb. The people I deal with will have their own frameworks, and will react according to those, not mine. If I try to second guess those, it is just going to land me in a mess. Situations (the ‘what’) might have many variables beyond mine or even others’ control. Expecting something to happen or someone to change just because I adapted just leads to angst, which in turn makes it all counterproductive. All of this reminded me of a superb post by Mark Manson titled “The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F***“. I adapt because I give a f***. My filter therefore needs to be what I give a f*** about. And that needs to be a very small set of people and things. I think I might have a handy framework I’d like to try for deciding what goes into that set – Taleb’s Fragile/ Robust /Antifragile triad. Let’s see how that plays out!
But for now, to quote the master, 
Dude, I believe in things coming together and lessons and wisdom come when you most need it,but this is like incredibly put and timed (for my life)
I was thinking about this pic – http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/155/561/singlefrog.jpg
— for the past 24 hours and essentially you’ve written it out
yep, the set we care about enough to adapt must be really small, or we have a danger of many things that we will have no control over. Thank u!
Glad it worked for you
Ahaan! Some major think happening here
Glad to see you continue to write, most of the other blogs i’d read have long been gone.
Coming to being adaptive, is it because you give a f**k or because you dont give a f**k and so its easy to be adaptive of things… I wonder!
That IS quite an interesting question! I’d go with the former simply because I have expectations, which means I do give a f***
Are we adulting here? I hate adulting. But then again, my age suggests i need it. Sigh.