Though I’d explored the idea of inculcating a sense of compassion in others in this post a fortnight back, I still think our own compassion needs to serve as a solid base. Not being judgmental is one way, but it’s not easy to practice. So I took a step back and wondered if compassion was a result and not a behaviour. The first behavioural direction I could think of was happiness. In myself, I have seen a correlation if not a causation. I am more compassionate when I’m happier. So I decided to explore this a bit.
It is easy to think of it the other way. The Dalai Lama, among many other great thinkers, believes that we’re happier when we are compassionate. I recently happened to read this article titled “Is Giving the secret to getting ahead?” It was based on Adam Grant, a Wharton professor, whose giving nature is legendary. He believes that the greatest source of motivation is a sense of service to others. On the surface, giving seems just the right fit for compassion, but the author of the post asks Grant (astute observation, says Grant) whether Grant was driven by the desire to help or a deep fear of disappointing someone. Grant’s own research shows that it is a combination. Grant also quotes William James “The greatest use of a life is to spend it on something that will outlast it.” Not to belittle what he does, but what if I were to say, for an argument’s sake that the idea of not disappointing someone or that of a legacy gives him happiness, and the result of that is compassion?
Now, a different perspective. Through the happy coincidence of a misleading title, I recently came upon this interview with Fahadh Faasil. To give you some context, he is an actor who is seen as the poster boy of a new generation in Malayalam cinema. He made his debut in 2002 in a movie directed by his father, who has made many a fantastic movie, including the one that got Shobhana a National Award – Manichitrathazhu. Unfortunately the debut tanked and he disappeared for 6-7 years, only to make a very impressive comeback with a slew of movies that not only established himself but brought in a wave of new storytelling styles. He makes two very interesting points in this interview. When asked about the biggest lesson he learnt from his failure, he said it made him decide that he would only do things that made him happy. That made me reflect a bit. On the surface, it sounds selfish, and the opposite of what compassion would mean. But then again, if we do say yes to others on things we aren’t happy with, do we create a bitterness inside ourselves? A bitterness that then makes us judge ourselves and others. Isn’t it possible that our ‘selfish’ choices might make us happy, and lead us to be non judgmental and compassionate to others?
Given the difficulty of being compassionate, I am inclined to try out this path. Not that it is easy, because within the larger choice of doing only things that makes one happy are many smaller choices with their own cost-benefit layers and battles. Not just within (sleep vs exercise is my favourite) but the implications of our choices on others. The consolation is that in the absence unawareness of an objective right and wrong, a clear subjective intent might be the best possible substitute. After all, to quote Spinoza
(though I think he said blessedness)
P.S. There is a second interesting point that Fahadh made, but I think I’ll be happier writing it in a different post. 😉
Happiness first or compassion first? Maybe it’s a cycle, one leads to other, and other leads to one, and a good balance of each will self sustain the overall positive wave. And the after taste will long last the act itself.
I agree, doing only the things which make us happy, can really bring in the focus. We no longer have the excuse or shelter in the knowledge that someone else asked us to do it, and hence we did it. We have to bear the consequences, on our sole conscience and that’s what brings the difference in the act itself.
That self consciousness or awareness perhaps, makes the act itself like meditation. And the result is happiness, satisfaction, fulfillment.
Parul, good point, and thanks for the perspective. In fact, I was actually thinking a couple of days ago, whether they might be operating on different planes – happiness on a more real time choice mode, and compassion as a progressively acquired habit.
so maybe you’ve already watched this but reminded me of this post, how happiness with self actualisation should lead to compassion or the other way around: http://www.ted.com/talks/tony_robbins_asks_why_we_do_what_we_do?language=en
for me the bigger problem is the action itself, until we start shipping we may always miss the point.
Thanks for that, will watch.
Agree on the shipping. Not that I’ve aced it, but from experience, it takes conscious efforts and that’s something we can and should work on.