Category: Life Ordinary

  • The intrigues of my empathy

    Simran was on TV, and though I didn’t watch the entire movie, I was intrigued enough to read up about Sandeep Kaur – the Bombshell Bandit, whose life it is vaguely based on. A tragic story of a 24 year old, who will most likely be unable to live what one might call a normal life. Did she make wrong choices? Of course, but in her shoes, things might not be as simple as that.

    D said recently that my sense of empathy confuses her. Apparently, from what she has noticed, it is high when the interactions are transactional in nature – Uber drivers, hotel/restaurant/security staff and such. However, it is completely missing in action in places where she expects it, say close relatives.

    I have to admit, it used to confuse me too! But when I thought about it, there is a pattern to it, though a rather strange one. It follows a U shape – high for people I don’t know, as well as those whom I am really comfortable with, and low for people in between. The bottom of the U is occupied by those who have broken my trust in some way. (more…)

  • The best kept secrets

    There was a time, a long long ago, in the era of cassettes, when one had no idea about whether the entire soundtrack of the movie would be good. One just bought it on the first day of release, sometimes relying on the music director/s, or snippets heard as ‘forthcoming attractions’ from the previous soundtrack released by the same company, if it was T-Series, TIPS, HMV etc, or by begging the shopkeeper to open that cellophane wrapper and play the tape for a while. And thus, in those days, one would sometimes receive serendipitous delight and be transported by the music. Closed eyes, smile on the lips, and body slowly rocking, lost in the world of some ethereal track. These days, even if you don’t go searching for tracks, they find you, either on FM or through the algorithm of some feed that is supposed to have gleaned your preferences. (more…)

  • Naturally good

    Towards the end of The Way of Zen, Alan Watts has a line that creates a binary between natural and good. I must admit that I felt some validation there!

    Over many years and experiences, the resident (and dominant) cynic in me has come to believe that “naturally good” in terms of a person’s character and behaviour can only be an act. This is also coming from the unoriginal observation that we have a “delusion of free will”. The choices we make are less based on a conscious free will, and controlled more by a combination of genes which have fought and survived over millennia and one’s own experiences and environment. While cooperation and goodness are indeed a part of the survival toolkit, they are not the dominant aspects. We’re selfish, the only difference is in the degree of the act, and how much we have trained ourselves.  (more…)

  • “Let them know you’re thinking about them”

    You’re familiar with that – it’s one of Facebook’s birthday reminders. Until some time back, I used to religiously wish folks on their birthday. But I have stopped that, it felt like cheating. To me, this sort of wishing reduced the significance of the event and the wish, and almost brought it to the level of an already degraded currency on the network – the ubiquitous ‘Like’. I know, this can be argued quite a bit. At a very simplistic level, wishing someone on the birthday could be like a little shot of dopamine for them, and easy for you to provide too.

    But I have at least two perspectives against this. Call it over-analysis if you will. The first is where I draw a parallel with travel. In the case of places, increased access and convenience tend to bring in people with motives different from an earlier set. From travelers to tourists. Right or wrong is subjective so let’s just say that the character of the places, and their residents change. Arguably, the first set of folks had a deeper bond with the place and more of an interest in its well being. And so too, with the wishes on Facebook. My birthday is off Facebook and I know that those who wish me now really have me in their thoughts.  (more…)